On Saturday May 12th 2012 I went food shopping with my daughter and little did I know that within an hour my world would be turned upside down.
Whilst putting the trolley away after loading the car with ingredients for Fajita’s I was knocked over and both of my legs were broken.
My left ankle is broken in two places whilst my right leg resembled crazy paving after the car actually ran over it.
As I am on the floor screaming in pain, the driver of the car, after thoughtfully finding out if someone had called an ambulance, parks her car and actually goes food shopping. This is one thing that my brain just cannot work out. I don’t know how she could just leave me there. There were some amazing people around though who did help me and to them I will forever be grateful.
One couple stayed with me the entire time until James arrived and they were also able to ID the lady who was driving.
Another couple drove to my house, the wife stayed with my boys until my mother in law could get there and the husband drove James to me. (From what I’ve been told the boys kept her fully entertained in the playhouse making cups of tea!)
Charleigh was my little hero that day. I have never been more proud. She stayed so calm despite how unimaginably scared she must have felt. She called James and my Mum and was just a little trooper. I love her so so much.
Within an hour I was taken to John Radcliffe hospital and had my legs plastered with instructions that I would be operated on on Monday.
Up on the Trauma Ward I am surround by the most amazing nurses and doctors. I have the up-most respect for them and the work that they do. Whether I need a cuddle, a cup of tea or help getting over one of many panic attacks they are just there.
I knew it would take a while (and I still don’t think it has fully) to sink in and I was prepared for anger and tears. But the thing that scares me the most are the panic attacks and the flash backs. The sheer terror that runs through my body that I an unable to deal with and the feeling of thinking that I cannot breathe. They are happening less and less now though and I can feel myself starting to be able to take control.
So I had my operation on Friday 18th May 2012. My left ankle was pinned together and my right leg as a metal cage all around it with various pins and bolts running in and out holding it all together. I cannot weight bare at all on my left but because of the funky cage I will be able to partially on my right meaning that I won’t be bed bound and will be able to move from chair to bed etc. Eventually the leg leg will over take and in 6-7 weeks ‘should’ be healed whereas the cage will remain in place for at least 16 weeks.
At the moment I am on an epidural so I am numb from waist down. Although strangely it isn’t working as much on my left and I can feel my left thigh and move my leg around quite freely. My right leg (thank god) is totally numb. On Friday night they reduced my epidural from 8 to 4 – evidently this was too much too soon and I was screaming in pain so we are going to go for a slower reduction! I hate the feeling of having a numb leg, it makes me panic and generally freak out. Over the next week the plan is to reduce the epidural and then take over with oral medication. I will then be free to move around, bed to chair to toilet etc.
James has got to work out what we’re going to do at home. I won’t be able to get up stairs so I need a bed downstairs. Lots of practical things yet to be worked out.
And my children. My three amazing gorgeous children. I cannot even begin to describe the emptiness I feel being without them. I miss them more that I ever thought it was possible. My Mum bought the boys up to see me yesterday for the first time and it was emotional to say the least. My little blond hair blue eyed babies. They didn’t want a cuddle and the didn’t want to sit on the bed, it was all a bit too much for them I think. They know Mummy has bad legs and that the doctor is making them better. They are coming again today so hopefully I’ll hold it together a bit better and it wont be so daunting for them. Charleigh is just amazing. Such a strong little girl. I am so proud of the young lady she growing into. She has shown so much maturity throughout the last week. We speak every day I just love her so much.
The love and support both James and I have received from friends and family has totally blown us away. I feel very lucky to have so many amazing people in my life.
And then there is my James. He is truly my rock. Without him I wouldn’t be as strong as I am (and even now I don’t feel that strong at all, I feel like a pebble ready to crumble at the first tap). But I know that with him by my side, together, we can get through anything.
This is just something that has been thrown into our lives to make us better, stronger people. I keep asking myself why it had to happen to me. I try to understand what I have had done to deserve this. I don’t think I will ever find the answers. But I do know that I am going to learn from this whole chapter in our lives and become a better and stronger person for it.
The path will be a long, and often painful one, but it is one that I have to take and I will take with my head held high.