Well here I am, sat in my newly arranged front room, in the spare bed, writing this blog entry on my new iPad. What a difference 24 hours can make!
I’ve had some very poignant visitors over the last 24 hours.
The first came last night, the paramedic who came to the scene when the accident happened. That day he was my saviour! I was so pleased to see him and touched that he had taken the time to visit. He doesn’t often have to go to the hospital and specifically looked me up as he was there. He was surprised that my injuries were this bad as they are and along with everyone is shocked attheevents that unfolded that day. (And the small world that it is, one of my best friends is his wife’s personal trainer!)
The second was the lady who called the paramedics on that day, looked after Charleigh and along with her husband was able to identify the driver. Again, I was ever so grateful for her visit. We spoke of that day and I learnt things that I wasn’t aware of at the time. One being that as I was quite clearly lying the floor injured (before someone was sensible and nice enough to block the road) other drivers still continued to try and drive around me despite others trying to divert them, and were trying to park their cars! Honestly, after this whole story, I’m not sure the human race can shock me any more.
Before leaving the hospital I had my first shower in two weeks. It was wonderful to feel the hot water running over me. I may have been sat on a plastic chair, my legs wrapped in black bags and taped shut and with James stood next to me waiting to pass over shampoo and conditioner, but it was the best feeling. I felt as though I was cleaning away the last two weeks in preparation to going home to my family, ready to start the next stage of my journey.
Leaving the hospital was a very surreal experience. Two weeks doesn’t seem like a long time, but being in an environment like that, totally dependant on other people, it has a huge affect on you mentally and emotionally. As they were wheeling me through the ward to leave and all of the nurses were saying goodbye and wishing me well, it shocked me that I felt the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes. It felt as though I were saying goodbye to friends. I might not see these people again and I’m sure that over time I will forget their names and faces, however I won’t ever forget what part they have played in this journey. I have the upmost respect for them and the gratitude I feel towards them won’t ever leave me.
What will stay with me is the faces of children as I pulled up outside my house. Charleigh jumping up and down in the doorway with a poster and my boys in the window waving furiously. I held back the tears coming into my house, this was a happy time and I wanted my children to see it as that. They don’t understand tears of joy. I was suddenly engulfed in a chorus of ‘mummy big bed’ ‘mummy back’ ‘mummy broke leg’ I am amazed at how much more they are talking now, two weeks in the life of a two year is such a long time.
Archie is quite content with me and I had beautiful cuddles. Henry however is still unsure and we are going to have to build back our relationship. He has a sensitive soul and takes everything to heart and my absence has had a huge affect on him and our bond and relationship. I can’t say I’m ok with it because I’m not. It is heartbreaking and totally devastating that my little baby is too confused to show me any emotion. As a parent you do whatever you can to protect your children, and even though this isn’t my fault, I feel distraught that he is going through this because of something that has happened to me.
I am nervous about being at home now and how things are going to work out. I have butterflies and think sleep will come slowly tonight but the relief to be here is immense. I am back where I belong and whatever the future holds, together with my amazing family and friends I am confident that I can face it with a new found courage and belief in myself.