Energy Zapping

I made a huge step forward today, quite literally with my zimmer frame, and it wiped me our for the rest of the day!

I have been putting weight through my right leg to help me get from bed to chair and in and out of the car without any problem. When I had my Physio session almost two weeks ago I was able to walk forward using the bars, again without any problems. But at home, with the zimmer frame, I have been hitting a brick wall. I either cannot get to a standing position or I cannot move forward once I am up. I forget to breathe and a blanket of absolute fear envelopes me. There have been a few comedy moments between James and I yelling at each other over the silver bars!
However, when getting myself into the car this morning and putting full weight through my leg and manoeuvring myself successfully into place, James said that my only issue with the frame is fear. I need to have more confidence in it and myself.
Not one to be beaten I took his words in and found a new determination.

Rising from my wheelchair to a full standing position, remembering to breathe, remembering that the frame was going to help me, I took three steps forward, without fear, without help.
Being able to do it has given me encouragement to want to do it again and again. If I can increase the distance by a step every day I will be able to walk to my kitchen into time.
This time four weeks ago I was on a cold floor in pain and scared. Now I am learning to walk again and I feel excited. I shouldn’t be going through this but I have no choice. I have to get up and have to move forward in every possible way.

The excitement of walking took it’s toll though and my leg was soon throbbing and I was overwhelmed with tiredness and needed to give in to sleep. Two and a half dreamless hours later I am writing this.
I have to take this opportunity to apologise to Rachel for missing the birthday party because of my inability to stay awake this afternoon. Sorry darling xxx

My eating habits and appetite at present are similar to when I was pregnant. I need to eat little and often. If I let my stomach become too empty I become nauseas and before long its game over. As if I’m not going through enough trying to deal with two broken legs my stomach is having it’s own argument with me as well!

Tonight my Mum is taking the children to her house for a sleepover, giving James a well deserved rest and us both some time together. Life is so busy now, not just with visitors but everything that me being injured has bought upon us. I’m not sure either of us has really let it sink in what has actually happened and it has affected us all. I’m not sure if it ever will.


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