So, after 48 hours of tears and despair and asking, numerous times and in may different ways, why did this have to happen? …… I have finally realised that actually, I have known the answers all along.
I have had conversations with two amazing people today.
They have shared stories, spoken words that have touched my heart, allowed me to see their hearts, opened my eyes and helped me face the future with a new outlook.
Maybe, just maybe, I was looking at this all wrong. I was so sure that this had happened to me to teach me, to send me on the path that was meant for me. But what if actually this happened to simply stop the path I was on and to open up my future? What if my future was all laid out for me and I was just following the story I had actually set myself? What if, because of this accident and the changes that is has forced already, my future is now a blank canvas for me to make my own?
How amazing an opportunity is that?
My future is now completely my own for me to grasp with both hands.
Five weeks ago I was a stay at home Mum and Wife. My days were filled with looking after the house and the children. I felt stuck, wound up and bored with monotony of life. My husband worked long hours to support us, leaving the house before the cock crowed and returning when the babies were dreaming. Our lives were tired and worlds apart.
I prayed that he would be at home and that we could grow together.
That is just one prayer that has been answered.
He is at home and when I look back at the last five weeks I have seen the relationship between my amazing husband and our children grow and blossom into something truly beautiful. I feel closer to him now than I ever thought possible. The relationship I have with my children is now enveloped in more love I thought possible.
We, as a family, are spending time together that we would never have had, we are experiencing things together that are making us a stronger force in this world.
Yes it hurts, my days seem dark, but underneath all of that there is something beautiful appearing.
I will still cry, I will still feel helpless and this recovery will still hurt.
But my bones are mending and creating new legs to walk on.
For every ying there is a yang.
Little did I know that as I struggle to find reason, my yang has actually been waking up already seeing the spectacular opportunity that I have been given, excited about what my future could hold.
Today, the forces collided and my eyes were able to focus on a new beginning.
I still believe that there is a reason for everything, but perhaps the reason is to just start again.
Your prayers will be answered, even through the pain and tears it may bring, the answer is there!
A little deep? Maybe? But a positive outlook? Absolutely!
My legs are killing me tonight, I am as uncomfortable as I could possibly imagine, I am pissed off to hell, but I’m going to have a beer and think about what adventures my new legs will take us on ……..