The house is feeling less like a prison and more like a home again!
A wonderful friend came to visit today and I was able to have precious cuddles with her six week old beautiful baby who was born on the same day that I had my operation, a birth that was much later than expected. It would seem that May 18th was the day for getting things done.
The universe has a way of making things even. For every ying there is a yang.
Following a sleepless night and a busy lunch time of good food and lots of chatter I felt more than ready to have a nap. However I wasn’t going to forget my self set goal of reaching the top of my house. I so desperately wanted to be able to just sleep in the quiet sanctuary of my bedroom. So I positioned myself sitting on the stairs and one by one I heaved myself up! I could have cried with excitement and happiness. I was no longer bound to downstairs, I was free!
The triumph was bitter sweet though as my nap was not to be so back downstairs I travelled and am now in my new, comfortable position on the sofa. No longer a bed-ridden invalid but a fully abled member of this house.
Despite feeling so extremely proud that I have achieved yet another goal, I can’t help but still feel a void in the joy.
Today has been one of those days where I just needed my Mum.
I know it’s lack of sleep but I feel on the verge of tears, I haven’t cried in a while now so I am shocked to feel this way.
I seem to have a torrent of emotions running through me and it’s all a bit overwhelming,
Happiness that I am seeing a light at the end, guilt for what I am putting my family through, pride of what I have achieved, sadness for times lost, shame for complaining when I am aware of others going through so much worse, excitement at what I am going to make of my future.
How can you feel so many things at once.
How are you supposed to take control of so many feelings at once?
It makes me want to run away and hide from the world.
I really hope that I am blessed with sleep tonight and tomorrow I can feel some inner peace.