Stairs 0 – Kerry 1 (but bittersweet)

The house is feeling less like a prison and more like a home again!

A wonderful friend came to visit today and I was able to have precious cuddles with her six week old beautiful baby who was born on the same day that I had my operation, a birth that was much later than expected. It would seem that May 18th was the day for getting things done.
The universe has a way of making things even. For every ying there is a yang.

Following a sleepless night and a busy lunch time of good food and lots of chatter I felt more than ready to have a nap. However I wasn’t going to forget my self set goal of reaching the top of my house. I so desperately wanted to be able to just sleep in the quiet sanctuary of my bedroom. So I positioned myself sitting on the stairs and one by one I heaved myself up! I could have cried with excitement and happiness. I was no longer bound to downstairs, I was free!
The triumph was bitter sweet though as my nap was not to be so back downstairs I travelled and am now in my new, comfortable position on the sofa. No longer a bed-ridden invalid but a fully abled member of this house.

Despite feeling so extremely proud that I have achieved yet another goal, I can’t help but still feel a void in the joy.

Today has been one of those days where I just needed my Mum.
I know it’s lack of sleep but I feel on the verge of tears, I haven’t cried in a while now so I am shocked to feel this way.
I seem to have a torrent of emotions running through me and it’s all a bit overwhelming,
Happiness that I am seeing a light at the end, guilt for what I am putting my family through, pride of what I have achieved, sadness for times lost, shame for complaining when I am aware of others going through so much worse, excitement at what I am going to make of my future.
How can you feel so many things at once.
How are you supposed to take control of so many feelings at once?
It makes me want to run away and hide from the world.

I really hope that I am blessed with sleep tonight and tomorrow I can feel some inner peace.


3 thoughts on “Stairs 0 – Kerry 1 (but bittersweet)

  1. wonderful all these emotions are expressions of yourself, the more you feel the more you experience the multifaceted diamond that you are. I really am impressed at how quickly you are healing, it’s truly amazing and inspiring and hey will power is your friend it seems. not long till the weekend when your mum can come and give you many hugs.
    As far as the guilt for what you are putting everyone though, I bet if you ask them they would happily say that they would do it 100fold because really you are just allowing them to discover and show each other the depths of love that they have inside them and there is no greater gift to offer. Sending you massive hugs xxxx

  2. I know the cast etc are massive, invasive and horrible – must admit though, that the first thought that popped in my head when I saw the pictures was “awesomely painted toenails!” Actually made me smile – you are awesome. 🙂

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