So it’s almost 4.30am and I’ve managed about an hours sleep.
The inability to succumb to the land of rest and peace doesn’t come from pain, nightmares or unease, it is just pure and simple insomnia. The doctor did prescribe me some medication with instructions to only take them for a week as they can be highly addictive. His opinion was my body just required some help in returning to a ‘normal’ sleeping routine. When I did take them I fell into a blissful sleep all night. Without them it would appear I don’t! I’m not so sure my body hasn’t remembered the art of sleeping despite the medicated kick start. However, I’m not going to worry, it’ll come back eventually I’m sure. I have adjusted my diet to try and help nature find the right path….. no more caffeine for this lady!
During the last six and a half weeks since my accident it has been all about setting myself goals and taking small steps everyday to get there. So far I have laughed in the face of these broken legs and achieved every one with, tears and occasionally pain, but most of all with a determination I didn’t know existed in me.
I can get to a standing position without help, I can walk confidently with my zimmerman, I am taking myself to the downstairs toilet (bye bye commode!) I can enjoy the sun in my conservatory and my children playing outside, I can sit in my garden.
I don’t like to be told I cannot do something if I know that there isn’t a good enough reason for me not to do it.
And so onto my next goal …………. Upstairs.
I want to be able to ‘go’ to bed, enjoy the boys splash in the bath, watch Charleigh practice her piano, remember the amazing views from our attic bedroom window. But most of all I want to be able to go and just be by myself if I so wish. And the ‘Monica’ in me wants my living room to resemble exactly that again and less like a bedroom. I am not sick, I am not an invalid, I do not need to be living in the downstairs of my home. I need some normality now to my every day life and I’ll be damned if these legs are going to stop me.
And I am going to do it. I am going to go upstairs (well, give it my best shot,with James’ help)
Please don’t be mistaken into thinking that I have lost my mind and am going to attempt to walk up the stairs (and two flights at that to get to my bedroom), no, I will use the unconventional way of taking oneself up the stairs backwards on my bottom!
The only obstacle that I will face is once at the top, how to get myself up from the floor.
But six weeks ago I didn’t believe that I would be able to walk with broken legs, yet here I am.
So I am positive that between myself and James we’ll do it!
And so the challenge is set. Upstairs, here I come.