Random Ramble

Well it’s lucky that I haven’t been counting on the weather to cheer me up! It certainly does nothing for my motivation to get up and about when it’s grey and miserable outside. I am really feeling the cold too, I sit under a blanket most of the time because I’m so chilly. Perhaps it’s due to my diminished level of activity. Whatever the reason, it’s not pleasant.

I dragged my bum out of bed today despite an awful nights sleep and straightened my hair and shaved my legs (I live a really exciting life!). I was hoping it would give me a feeling of well being, instead I just got annoyed that my left leg is looking really horrible and there are bits on the right that I cannot get to!
My left leg has lost all of it’s muscle and looks really thin and spindly with a large lump on the left hand side where the metal plate is. I am hoping that once I can start using the leg properly the muscle will come back and it won’t be as obvious as it is now. I find the mental reminder than it’s there hard enough without the cosmetic reminder. The right side of my left ankle that has been pinned looks odd and feels very different too. I suppose I just need to get used to the changes?
My right leg is just awkward because I have to keep it dry because of the risk of infection in the pin sites so I cover it with a bin bag when I shower. To wash and shave it I use a bowl of hot water and it’s vey frustrating. I’m never happy with the results, it never feels clean enough and I cannot shave it enough. Overall it’s not a very satisfying task.

One thing that this whole episode has shown me is how amazing some of my friends are. Despite the fact that some of them are going through so much themselves, they are still there for me. I don’t feel like a particularly good friend in return at the moment, I am so wrapped up in my own personal hell that I don’t feel I have anything to give anyone else. That just sounds so damn selfish though and I hate the sound of myself!

James is off out tonight with friends for some beers. I’d love to go as well, to socialise and just be normal for a night. But I just cannot bare the looks and the questions that all inevitably come when you walk into a room with two broken legs. I am so over talking about the accident, I feel like I have talked it to death, nothing I say ever makes it an easier pill to swallow. Every time I talk about it, I just get angry and upset, and today I feel that way anyway without adding to the cause.
In any case, James deserves some time off from being house husband and wife carer!
My babysitter (aka my mother in law!) is coming over for a girls night in šŸ™‚

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