As of tomorrow I can finally say that I am halfway through my journey with Nicholas.
Eight weeks since the operation. I guess most people think that the time has flown by, but for me is has been painfully slow. I have heard each second of every day tick by.
This is unless the bones didn’t listen and are healing in the wrong order, in which case the timescale may change. I have a whole list of questions to ask my surgeon when we are back at the JR on Monday, and this time I will ask them instead of getting over excited by the xrays and totally losing all common sense and leaving with more questions than I started with.
This is the first time I have been a little nervous about a hospital visit as this time there are answers that I want to hear instead of just needing any answer.
The halfway milestone has been acknowledged a couple of days early in the form of a letter from the police. The first hearing at court has been set for 8th August.
Seeing the letter and reading in black and white that she is actually going to have to face what she has done bought with it a mix of emotions.
There is definitely a part of me that is excited, not in a bitchy, revengeful way, but as someone who has never had to deal with the law, the whole process is new and I am intrigued to see how it will play out.
I am also undoubtedly nervous about seeing her in person and hearing her talk. I have only ever seen her from afar, when she kindly looked back at me broken in the road, I have never heard her voice and I have no idea how I will react.
Will I be angry, upset, scared?
It makes me nervous not knowing how I am going to feel. Maybe I will feel all of the above.
I am scared about how she will react to me being there. As it is only a hearing there is no legal need for me to be there, but I need to be. There is no way I could sit at home wondering. I have to be there.
On the 8th she will just be making her plea, guilty or not guilty. The charges are failing to stop at an accident, failing to report an accident, and driving with undue care and attention. I am keeping an open mind as to what will happen as the truth is we just don’t know. She will take advice of her solicitor (assuming she actually has one) and whatever happens will happen. Of course I am desperately wanting her to plead guilty as that is what she is.
But I am in no doubt that she views the accident very differently to me.
We will see.
One of my biggest daemons at the moment is the fact that she has no idea how her actions (or lack of them depending on how you look at it) have affected me and my family. I am going to speak to the officer in charge of the case today and ask about the possibility of writing a Victim Impact Statement. Is it written by me to be read out in court explaining how the accident has affected me. I don’t want to do it because I hate her or want to hurt her with my words, I am not vindictive, I don’t want an apology or remorse, it’s gone way past that. I need to do it for my own healing process, I have to know she has heard how I feel.
So, 27 days and counting …….