Looking Forward

I have been so happy with the results from Monday and the pictures of my bones starting to heal. It has been a huge confidence boost and I have been up and walking all over the house! I am quite confident now without my crutches although I will still take one with me if I go out anywhere. The stairs are no problem either, I can get up and down without the need to bump down on my bum!
I am finally beginning to feel some sense of achievement and the small light at the end of the long tunnel is starting to shine a little.
The remainder of my journey doesn’t seem as daunting as it has done up until now. I still have some daemons to fight emotionally, however physically I am so much stronger.

A very good friend took me out for a few hours today and some quality girl time was had. It was the first time I have ventured out without the wheelchair, I was slightly nervous and unsure of how much my legs could take, but it was something that I needed to do. (we did have it in the boot just in case!) Being out and about walking instead of being in the wheelchair felt so strange. You adapt to new things remarkably quickly and things soon become a comfort blanket. I felt very vulnerable with only my crutches for support. The world seemed like a much bigger place.
We began by getting our nails done which was fabulous. I feel automatically happier having nice nails! Then the rather excitable Chinese nail man informed us that you aren’t allowed to park on a yellow line so we made a mad dash back to the car to move it. Panic over we had lunch and a good gossip.
I was exhausted by the time I was delivered back home, I am hoping that the walking around and using some energy will help me sleep tonight. I so long for a full, undisturbed nights sleep.

James and I have argued a lot this week which has been sad considering the good news.
There is no fault to be given, we are both to blame. We each carry our frustrations that have inevitably taken its toll. The life we are leading at the moment has been thrown at us and for a while you get swept up in the momentum, it’s only when the storm calms a little that you really get a chance to feel anything.
We are strong though and it will take more than this to break us! James is my rock and I couldn’t have got through this without him, he has been truly amazing.
Everyone is allowed a time to be angry and pissed off, the last few days has been ours.

We are away at my Mum’s this weekend and I really cannot wait. I am in serious need of some Mummy time, she is the best!

Today has been a good day and it ends on a high.
Tonight, for the first time in nine weeks, I was able to walk into the bedrooms of my children, tuck them in and whisper my goodnights. I was able to steal a few precious moments of wonder, watching my gorgeous little people in the land of dreams, peaceful and beautiful.

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3 thoughts on “Looking Forward

  1. omg I’m so proud of you! walking without crutches!!!!!!
    Sending you and James so much love, it’s been such a struggle, hopefully life will get a bit easier now as you’ll probably be up and about helping now with your new freedom. Sending you a massive excited hug… healing healing healing HOORAY!!!!!

  2. Just wanted to say that I read all your posts and think you’re amazing. I report all your bone-healing progress to DH too 😀 It must have felt so amazing to say goodnight to the kidlets, it’s just brilliant seeing how much progress you are making and you seem so determined and strong. I hope you have managed to sleep well. Xxx

  3. Oh my darling darling friend…..not you and James not getting on. It has been a long long ten weeks for you both. It has been such a long time for you both and for that amazing husband.. James I solute you buddy. Here is a huge hug for you too. Not manly for men to hug perhaps, but you too need to he asked how are you doing? I bet you haven’t grieved yet either. No it was not your legs shattered. No it was the love of your life, and that day you equally were robbed. You too need me time. Take it, you deserve it. Do not let guilt control your lives. Huge hugs to you both. Kerry give him a huge sloppy snog. Let him too feel loved.. x x x x

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