We’ve had a busy week for the Hyatt household!
Last Sunday I had a bad day. I didn’t sleep very well the night before which never helps and I was very upset all day. I had a ball of anxiety rumbling in my tummy and with it came a river of tears. They flowed unashamedly all day, not worrying about who saw or who heard the cries.
I don’t know why I have days like this. I do know that on good days I still carry a certain amount of fear with me so perhaps it all builds up and then inevitably erupts when I cannot hold it in any longer.
Whatever the reason may be, I know that it wont last forever, I will get better.
I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I am due to begin counselling in the next few weeks. I knew I wasn’t right so there is relief in the knowledge that how I am feeling and the constant ups and downs are normal and there is help available. There is nervousness about it and having to face my problems but I am also looking forward to finally dealing with all of the emotions rolling around inside and being able to really move on.
Despite becoming more and more mobile I am feeling more anxious about going out. I feel very nervous if we need to go somewhere and the thought of being amongst large groups petrifies me. I can’t work out why, I don’t know what I think is going to happen but I just can’t do it.
We did however take a last minute trip to The Wirral in the week to see James’ Grandad. James’ Mum came with us which helped with my nerves as I knew there would be someone else there (and as it turned out was a huge blessing) Luckily we stay at his Aunt’s house which is located on the beach front, it’s beautiful and we always love it it when we go. The children had a fantastic time playing on the sand and Grandad Henry definitely enjoying seeing them. Children are without a doubt therapeutic.
I found it hard to not be in the middle of the fun, instead I sat on the beach in my chair watching from afar. This is when I get angry and what the accident has taken away from me.
But unfortunately poor Charleigh had an accident which resulted in a dash to A&E. James took her crabbing and she fell from the rocks into the sea and cutting her leg badly on the way down. Karin and I took her as James was soaking wet from rescuing her! She was ever so brave though and luckily it happened at the the end of our trip and she will make a full recovery 🙂
Yesterday I had Physio for the first time since having the boot removed. Despite doing so well walking around, O didn’t realise how much I still couldn’t do until I was asked to try. It was a huge reminder that I still have a long way to go! I have lots of exercises to do three times a day to get my ankle working again as it should.
It’s very easy to get so focused on having casts, boots and cages removed that it’s easy to forget that the journey doesn’t end there, in some sense it only just starts.
This weekend we are back at my Mum’s for a family Christening. I love being here, I always feel so much calmer when I’m with her. I’ve said it before but it’s true, no matter how old you are you always want your Mum. And my Mum is amazing.
We are missing a night out tonight to London because I just cannot face it mentally. It really angers me that I cannot just pull myself together enough to just do it. James is so patient with me and my to-ing and fro-ing. As always he is my rock, pulling me up when I am down and holding me when I am up.