A Week On Post Nicholas

I’ve now been without the frame for a week. Life without carrying a heap of metal attached to your leg is undoubtedly easier! Sleep has been restored and my sleep is a dreamless sanctuary once again.

Putting my jeans on every day brings a huge smile to my face. In fact I think I’ve smiled more in the past week than I have in the last five months.

Today I’ve been sitting on the floor building train sets with my boys and then we baked fairy cakes. After a long wait it feels as though I am finally getting back into my Mummy role within our family. The boys are still very much all about Daddy, all hell breaks loose if I try and put them to bed and if they are hurt it’s only Daddy cuddles that will do. James is back to work at the end of this month (thank the lord says our bank balance) and I am actually dreading it. It’s a very daunting to think I will be on my own everyday again with them. And then in the same thought I feel horrible for even worrying about it. They are my little boys, I’m supposed to be able to look after them!
But after almost five months of being broken and a by stander in your own life, you start to doubt your own capabilities.

Physio began on my right leg today. My ankle is very stiff from being held in the same position forms long with metal pins. At the moment I can happily toddle around the house without too much discomfort, however I still need the crutches for any distance (such as walking around town etc) Hopefully within the next couple of weeks I will be able to drop down to one crutch.
It really is about the small victories.

Having an Ilizarov removed is almost as hard to getting your head around having it attached.
You build yourself up to finally ‘being free’ but in reality it’s only the start of a new phase. My leg and foot swell to the size of an elephants if I’m on it too long. I didn’t think an ankle could swell so much but apparently three times the normal size is quite possible.
‘Over doing it’ results in a deep ache and a searing pain through my leg.
My big toe is still numb which is worrying me. Yet any pressure on it (small children standing on it, books dropped on it) is excruciating, much more than should be normal.

But despite the new found aches and pains and the fear of the future I feel the most optimistic I have done since the start of this journey.

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