So I feel like I have hit a bit of a brick wall.
My legs were getting increasingly better but now I seem to be stuck. Don’t get me wrong, I am well and there is nothing ‘wrong’ … but the level of discomfort and pain I have now seems to be here to stay. I am constantly being asked how they are and ‘same as ever’ has become by robot answer. My left ankle aches constantly and it is almost stuck rigid when I wake up in the morning. My right leg has a constant niggling pain that increases as the day goes on. I know that I need to rest it more but that is impossible with my life. The cold weather is no doubt playing havoc with newly grown bones too.
I have struggled the last couple of weeks with trying to keep up with life. It’s wonderful to be able to do everything again but there are still days when I can’t seem to catch my breath. The tiredness can be overwhelming and takes over my every thought.
In two days it will seven months. To me it still seems like yesterday but I am sure to everyone else it is just a distant memory.
When I had the Ilizarov still attached no-one could really forget what had happened and offered help before I needed to ask. Now life is ‘normal’ again and all physical reminders have gone I don’t think it’s as easy for people to remember. Yes I am up and walking and looking after the children but it’s so much harder than it was before. These legs are not the same and I am not ashamed to say that I am struggling with being on them all day.
We were given a timescale from the very start for the repair of the bones but no-one warns you about once they are fixed.
I just thought life would be the same again but it doesn’t feel like it yet.
These little worries play havoc with my fragile mind. I get scared that I will never feel like the old me again sometimes. But perhaps that Kerry has gone to be replaced by this new one and I just need to get over myself. Maybe this new Kerry will be stronger and better than the last if I allow myself to be. Having been on this journey, surely l I could face anything now!
This blog sounds very woe is me and I didn’t mean it to be. Things may be tougher than I anticipated but I know that I am so lucky that things aren’t worse. And Christmas is only round the corner and I plan to surround myself by all the people that mean the world to me ❤