My counselling continues and that along with my happy medication I seem to on an even keel plodding along nicely. Maybe it’s a false euphoria, I always w dee if the tablets are actually just hiding the daemons but you know what? I feel happy and content and normal for the first time in a long time. So for now I am going to enjoy it.
Christmas has been a family fuelled roller coaster! I am so lucky to have married into such a warm and loving family, the Hyatt clan coupled with my family make me a very lucky girl indeed. For Christmas we stayed in our home and catered for everyone with James cooking a feast and the children being entertained by Uncles, Aunts and Grandparents. The house was bursting with laughter and joy, the magic of Christmas really did happen.
My legs continue to ache, often waking me up, but I am learning slowly to live with it. The most difficult thing for me is still the numbness and shooting pains in my big toe and foot. I saw a surgeon two weeks ago as part of my civil action (ironically he was the surgeon on call who saw me when I was bought into A&E) and he says that it is undoubtedly nerve damage caused by the Ilizarov pins that were in my ankle. He also said that it will take 18-24 months to know if there will be any long term damage. It’s always a waiting game, never seeming to get a final answer. It does nothing for the impatient soul that lives within me.
I have been discharged from the physio department now and have a huge list of exercises to be getting in with, including walking backwards on the treadmill. I caused no end of amusement to my friends tonight over a curry when I asked how you programme a treadmill to go backwards …… how was I to know that I am just supposed to turn around?
On a day to day basis I can say that the memories of the accident no longer haunt me, in fact I don’t even believe that I think about it every day. When I do recall the events that unfolded that day and beyond I am able to reflect on how I came through it and so making it easier to remember without being panicked and scared. The mind is an amazing tool but sometimes you just need to take control of it.
If someone had asked me a month ago if I would be feeling so upbeat and happy I would have shot them down. Just goes to show that with some love, positive thinking and courage anything is possible!
In two days we will be celebrating the end of 2012. What a fantastic year it has been for so many reasons, the Olympics, the Jubilee, the Tour de France ….. but quite frankly I will be glad to see the back of it and start 2013 with a smile and a fresh beginning.
One of the good things to come out of the accident is it bringing lots of old friends to visit!
I have been feeling very disappointed that I have had to sit back and watch all of the Jubilee celebrations pass me by, such a momentous occasion and I haven’t participated at all.
But on reflection I have had a lovely weekend. I have been visited by some old friends that I haven’t seen in many years, enjoyed a lovely family dinner and today I have spent quality time with an amazing friend whilst our boys ran around happy and smiling. The whole weekend has revolved around good food and a few cheeky glasses of wine. Good times are what you make them and despite the legs, I can look back on the Jubilee with happy memories.
Even though we have two very energetic little boys, I fear the house will feel quiet for the next couple of days. My Mummy has gone home until the weekend and on her way has taken Charleigh to her Godmothers house for a mini break. I love having my Mum here, it’s at times like this that I really regret moving away. She is the most amazing person. Nothing is too much trouble, she just comes and does anything and everything that needs doing without a second thought. She is exactly what you need in a time if crisis. Love you Mummy x
My legs are feeling very sore today, I like to think that it is my bones mending, but I have to admit that it’s also likely due to being as busy as I have been. Not only does it take great effort physically to get in and out of the house and car but sitting in a chair all day (as opposed to the bed) has the same affect on my body today as a full day of being on my feet looking after my family would have had four weeks ago. It’s a different tiredness though. At the moment I can feel it creeping through me like snake, taking over my being, unwanted, yet so fierce I cannot do anything but give in to it. One the one hand I know that rest helps the healing, but to me it’s a whole new experience that is taking time to adjust to. I used to long for days when I could just sit undisturbed, now I want nothing more than to be running after my boys and playing taxi to Charleigh’s social life.
I am almost halfway through the journey with the left leg. It’s been almost three weeks since the operation which is really hard to believe. There is still a long road ahead for Nicholas and I though and at the moment it feels as though time has slowed. I can almost hear every second tick by in slow motion. The weight is bearing down, not just on my leg from the Fixator itself, but on my heart. I am on a path that I don’t want to be on, yet I know I have to take it and being thrown along with me are the people that I love and care for the most. A certain amount of guilt comes with that and it can be hard to accept.
As I write this my boys are playing happily together, the loving brothers that they are, chatting away in a land of make believe. The innocence of children is a wonderful thing, the whole world and life is just a huge adventure! I love watching my children grow and shine knowing that there is a little bit of me in them 🙂 I love being a Mum more than anything in the world.