I seem to be entering a new phase, one of sheer anger and frustration. I’m not angry anymore about the events leading me to be here, it doesn’t matter anymore how I got here, it’s about how I get through it. And quite frankly I really don’t know how I can get through the remainder of my journey with any sanity left. I really feel like just exploding.
I am just so desperate to be able to get up and move around freely and be able to run around with my children and be a normal family again.
The frustration is like a ball of fire in my stomach that erupts periodically. But even when I do release the tears and choice expletives, it never really makes me feel any better as it doesn’t actually help the situation does it? I could cry a river however I would still be stuck on this bed or chair. I just want to feel at ease, to be comfortable and able to travel this journey with a degree of acceptance. Maybe I am just asking too much and need to accept I am likely to be crying emotional wreck for the next few months (13 weeks actually).
I know I need to man up and just get on with it, there are so many other people in worse situations than mine. I cant keep crying, its ridiculous. One day my frame will be removed, this isn’t a forever situation I am in . So why is it so hard to just get on with it? The pain is very mild and is really only an ache, I have amazing family and friends looking after me, things could be so much worse.
I keep talking about small milestones and setting myself achievable goals. On Friday I will be able to say that I am a quarter of the way through my journey with Nicholas. How amazing is that? That is one milestone that will surely bring a smile?